What my postpartum time taught me

No amount of preparation can truly prepare you for the maiden to mother journey that unfolds in the sacred postpartum time. 

One moment, you’re a single entity, a human being with a life story of your own, who just happens to be ripe with child.

And the next - you’re a mother, a parent embodied, and half of your heart is now living outside of your body. 

There was a sudden and momentous shift as I immediately began setting aside my own desires and basic needs to care, around the clock, for this tiny human I created, completely dependent on me for survival, nourishment, affection and warmth.

It’s a responsibility like no other. Truly the end of an era, and our identity as we once knew it. 

And while we may grieve our former selves, we can celebrate the new, too.

You see, they say we travel to the stars to collect the souls of our babies, and bring them earthside as we return to this world together.

And there, the season of the maiden must end, and from her ashes, the newborn mother rises.

The labour and birth, however it unfolds, is the initiation into this raw and intense rite of passage. 

Sometimes it’s endless cuddles and oxytocin highs as you inhale your baby’s sweet scent, stare into their eyes and wonder how you made something so precious.

Other times, it’s biting your lip through painful breasts, scrubbing stains from bloodied underwear, and crying alongside your baby through another sleepless night.

There comes a moment of realisation that we’ve plunged into the most significant, demanding, rewarding and influential role of our lives, with no formal training, no qualification, no rule book, and no salary.

All while surrounded by a thick fog of postpartum hormones, in which time simultaneously stands still and flashes by at lightning pace. 

Our memories hazy, our attention scattered, our anxiety high. 

We might doubt ourselves, and our abilities, turning to friends, family, professionals, books, and even complete strangers on the internet, in the hope of finding answers. 

But as the hours, days and weeks tick by, we realise that just like our babies, we’re always learning something new - as our children become our greatest teachers.

We soon learn what helps them settle,  where and when they like to sleep, how long they tend to feed, and what way they want to be held. 

And just when we start to feel like we’ve got it all figured out, they transform and change and grow some more, and force us to do the same.

If blessed with health and good fortune, this ever-evolving role of motherhood transitions and rolls on through the seasons, as our babies navigate their way from those newborn days through toddlerhood, school and the teenage years, into adulthood, and beyond. 

And with the power of hindsight, I can look back on my postpartum time, and see what a great gift every day brings, even when those days are made up of some very difficult moments. 

This past year, the challenges of postpartum have been highlighted with the isolation and separation brought about by the pandemic, lockdowns and border closures.  

In a time when new parents have traditionally been supported by a ‘village’, they’ve instead found themselves alone, without the wisdom and support of their family and friends. 

But with no mother’s groups, social outings, postpartum Pilates classes, and birthday parties to go to, have new parents of the pandemic era only been missing out, or perhaps also gaining something a lot of us didn’t get?

Time.

Space.

Rest.

Autonomy.

A chance to figure it out their own way, without the prying eyes and unsolicited advice of in-laws, great aunts, ‘experts’, and strangers in the street.

My hope for this wave of new parents is that they’ve tapped into their own resourcefulness, their inner wisdom, or ancestral remembering, and grown greater confidence in themselves, so that when life returns to ‘normal’, the extra hands are a welcomed respite.

Because just like postpartum and parenting, the pandemic has been challenging, unrelenting and sometimes heartbreaking, but it’s also taught us a lot about ourselves, redefined our priorities and given us all a renewed sense of appreciation for the simple things in life. 

So while the popular saying about raising children tells us, ‘it takes a village’, the truth is, you’ve already got everything you need inside you, and you might just need a little time and space to find it.

Shonelle’s tips for a healthy holistic postpartum time 

Rest

In many cultures, postpartum mothers are confined to their home for 40 days and nights of “lying in” after the birth of their child.

In western society, we tend to rush back to social events, exercise classes, appointments, work and other activities.

Do whatever feels right for you, but remember your body is healing and needs time to restore and replenish the energy, blood and nutrients used for pregnancy, birth and postpartum.

People often say ‘sleep when baby sleeps’. But this is easier said than done if you’re needing to use that quiet time to work, run a business or get things done around the house!

Give yourself permission to rest as often as possible.

Enjoy skin to skin with your baby. And soak up this magical time.

Delegate

If you can, order in healthy nutrient-dense meals, or have friends and family drop off food at the front door. Hire a cleaner to help with housework, or find a loved one willing to do it for you.

If you need something from the shops, call ahead and ask for it to be set aside, or see if they have delivery. Businesses are more flexible now than ever before, so use online ordering and click and collect to avoid unnecessary long trips. 

Get support

If you’re choosing to breastfeed and having any troubles, seek out professional support in your local area or online. Similarly if you’re experiencing any symptoms of depression or anxiety, seek help.

These services are available remotely and even some in person, despite the pandemic. So don’t let that be a reason for stopping you.

Hiring a doula to support you throughout pregnancy, birth and postpartum can also help in easing into this transition.

Trust

Be kind to yourself, and be patient. Trust that you know what you’re doing, even when you feel like you don’t.

Seek out wisdom that serves you if you feel the need. And listen to your heart and womb for everything else. 

Nourish yourself too

Make time for beautiful nourishing wholefood meals, move your body in ways that feel good for you, get regular sunshine and fresh air, and supercharge your diet with nutritional supplements and herbs if you need an extra boost, like supporting breastfeeding, hormonal balancing, energy, emotions and fatigue.

A telehealth naturopathic consultation is a great place to start.

It’s very easy to neglect ourselves once a baby arrives, but we must remember, we can not give from an empty cup. Self care isn’t selfish. And you don’t need to ‘earn it.’ This is your time, too.

For holistic health support in your pregnancy and postpartum time, book an appointment with Shonelle